Who am I?
by AFallenManEng
Summary: AU. Sometimes I think about my life, my existence, some people tell me that my sole existence is an insult to humanity, people call me names: "monster", "murderer", sometimes I agree with them, the dreams I have, the things I feel. They are my executioners, slowly killing away my sanity, at the very end only one question remains: "Who or what am I?" First Fic, Naruto's POV.


**Well, hello there ladies and gentlemen, my name is Nick a.k.a AFallenManEng and today it is my pleasure to bring you the english adaptation of my first Fic ever made. I really hope that you like this chapter, as you may notice further on my writing style centers on a lot of ambient description and POVs, what I intend to do with this Fic is to try and make a more realistic perspective on Naruto's world with all the physiological aspects of Naruto's mind and the toll that the villagers treatment took on his psyche. Well enough of so much nonsense and let get going with the story! Oh, by the way, sorry I make any orthographic mistakes, english is not my main language. **

* * *

Red, the only thing that I can see in front of me is red, I fell blinded, insane, I feel captive of an inexplicable and uncontrollable rage, in front of me vague silhouettes of buildings are slowly drawn, probably some kind of village, and, being even smaller silhouettes, persons, human beings. This sentiment of rage is so big, so strong, so intoxicating that I cannot control my own actions and the only thing that I manage to do is feel how the muscles of my limbs tense up, feeling how my breath goes out of my mouth at a high rate, like pressurized and boiling steam coming out of a crazy wild machine, a killing machine.

Everything from here on is fuzzy, but I can clearly hear the screams of pain, the screams of fear and horror, I can feel the crunchy sensation of bones and bodies being crushed under the power of my limbs, I can feel the sweet taste of their flesh and blood in my mouth, the flavor activating my taste buds making little explosions of pleasure whenever the crimson liquid makes contact with my tongue, I can feel the weak attacks that are being directed at me, the projectiles merely bouncing in my skin and falling helplessly at my very feet, this feeling of superiority is addictive, intoxicating almost, just like feeling the fear and the despair coming out of every single pore of these people, just like feeling how their hearths are being consumed alive by their fear.

Suddenly I feel a tremor behind me and when I finally turn back to see what caused it, I can see how a gigantic creature appears before me, his rider on top of the head of the creature, after that, I can only stay still and helpless as the darkness starts to surround me, the feeling of something being torn out of the deepest part of myself is beyond all bearing, just as darkness welcomes me with open arms the last thing that I can hear before I succumb to the darkness is the faint sound of a baby crying, then, nothing.

* * *

I wake up startled, panting, I get up in my bed and I realize that I'm in a dark and unknown ambient, I feel like I'm damp in a cold sweat that starts to trace lines across my body as the beads of sweat starts to travel around it, only to fall into the unknown, I feel how my breath is very troubled, my hearth beats and I can hear it rumbling loudly in my ears. Suddenly, as my visions starts to adjust to the darkness that surrounds me, I can see how familiar walls starts to appear, I can see that I'm in a known bed and, letting out the breathe that I didn't know I was holding, I let myself drop on my back, landing on my pillow, I'm in my bedroom.

I still find myself sweating, I can feel how the pajamas that I'm wearing are starting to glue to my skin because of the fresh sweat, but with a more calmed breathing, I bring my right hand to my forehead and I start to think about the dream that I was having, always that dream, there is no night where I don't dream that same thing, that dream, better called nightmare, it has become a part of my life, ever since I can remember I have always had the same nightmare, seven years in which the only thing that I can dream is that nightmare, at first this really left me baffled because since the very beginning this nightmare has been as vague as it is now, I can never pick up more details about the events that are happening within the nightmare itself, I can always feel the same, I can always smell the same odors, feel the same things…taste the same things and I always wake up in the same part of the dream, just as if this was the signal for the nightmare to stop, with the arrival of that strange and gigantic creature, with its rider standing still in what appears to be the head of said being.

I can clearly remember how in one of those nights after waking up from the nightmare, the first one that I can remember I think, I emptied the contents of my stomach right in front of me, making quite of a mess in my bed, I felt sick after dreaming that, everything about the nightmare felt so real, even if it is something that vague, I could feel every single detail about the slaughter that took place in my dreams, and that made me feel sick to the core.

My head is starting to ache, my head always starts to ache for a while after I wake up from this nightmare, I start to trash in my bed for a while, with the palms of my hand glued to my scalp and the soft tips of my fingers steadily glued to my head, trying in vain to ease the pain that I'm feeling. Realizing that trashing in my bed is not going to ease the pain in my head I decide to simple get out of my bed y proceed to go to the bathroom, to refresh my face and drink a little bit of water.

Thus I simply roll the covers of my bed off of me, I proceed to sit in my bed and put my feet on the ground, feeling the nice sensation of the cold floor beneath my feet and realizing that the floor is covered in a thin layer of dust, I think I need to clean this apartment a little bit, I finally stand up slowly and I proceed to go to the bathroom that is located at the end of the hallway of my apartment, with each step that I take towards my destination I can hear of the old planks of wood of the floor creaking under the weak pressure of my steps, the sound echoing in the empty and dark apartment of mine.

Once I reach the door of the bathroom I simply open the door and turn the light on once I'm in. I stand right in front of the sink, my neck barely standing atop of it, I stand on my toes and grab a glass that was atop of the sink, next to the soap bar, and fill it with water, that I proceed to vigorously drink. After that I proceed to cup my hands and place them under the tap of running water. Once the water started to brim over the edges of my hands I close my eyes and throw all of the cold water into my face. As soon as the cold water makes contact with my face I can start to feel more refreshed, letting the water trickle down my features, I can feel how my headache and the bad feeling that always lingers after having the nightmare starts to fall off of me, just like the beads of water that are falling off of my face and into the floor of my bathroom. Now, feeling more relaxed, I decided that staying up more time than needed would make me feel terribly tired in the morning and considering that tomorrow will be a very important day for me I decided to go to bed. Why tomorrow of all days is such an important day for me? Well that would be because tomorrow is the day where I am finally going to ask Oji-san to let me attend the ninja academy, which should be starting it's classes in about a couple of months or so, so I decided to no loose anymore time in over thinking this and quickly covered myself with the covers of my bed and closed my eyes trying to fall asleep. As soon as I finally let myself be embraced whit Morpheus' embrace and fall sleep, the nightmare starts to haunt me once again.

* * *

The light is too bright, I start to open my eyes, the sun welcoming the new day with its warm beams of life that leak in through my window, giving start to a new day. I really don't want to lose any more time thinking about the previous night so I quickly get out of my bed with a quick jump then I proceed to walk at a more faster pace towards my bathroom. On my way to the bathroom I take an orange towel from a counter next to the bathroom, once I'm in the bathroom I put the folded orange towel on top of the toilet and I start to undress me, first starting to pull mi blue long sleeved shirt over my head, letting it fall next to my feet, then I put my hands on at the sides of my waist, where the top of my blue night shorts are, and start to pull them down to my feet where, getting stuck on the thumb of my right feet, with an agile and swift kick I send them flying across the bathroom, I would pick them up later after my shower.

As I opened the tap of water in the shower I happily noticed that indeed water was coming out of the tap this time, looks like they didn't cut the water supply system to my apartment again, and putting my hand under the constant flow of water I delighted on the cold and refreshing feeling of the cold water against the skin of my hand, because of the fact that ever since I started living in this apartment, which seemed to be ever since I can remember, I never ever had the chance to take a shower with hot water I ended up getting used to the feeling of the cold water. I pulled the white shower curtain to the side and entered the shower letting my body still under the constant flow of water, the cold water hitting me on top of my head and form there falling off to every part of my body, as soon as I started to clean myself with the soap bar my mind drifted again to the important event that I have today, the meeting with my Oji-san.

Today would finally be the day where I'll finally muster enough courage to speak to Oji-san and ask him to let me attend the ninja academy, becoming a ninja has been since a long time one of my top priorities and dreams to fulfill because of the simple fact that ninjas are the most respected people in this village and the prospect of even being looked in a different light by the villagers, even if it's a little tiny bit more different, was something that I have always dreamed of, during the day at least when I start to day dream because we all know what kind of dreams I have in the night. But having the respect of the villagers is only one of the main reasons as to why I want to attend to the ninja academy, the other important reason would be the fact that the ninja academy is filled with other kids that are around my age and then I could, maybe, try and make some friends, however…maybe that wouldn't work, because there were other times in the past where I tried to befriend other kids in the parks that are scattered around the village, but due to the fact that those kids were always around their parents my efforts to try and even get near those kids have been nothing but a failure, a very painful failure because every that that I tried to get close to a kid their parents would show up and start to say horrible things to me like "murderer" "monster" "get away you freak" and every insult would feel like a sharp stab in my heart, every word hurting me more than any physical wound, leaving me broken an making me run away with tears streaking down my face, but maybe, just maybe, trying to befriend kids in a different ambient, the academy, where no parents were around, maybe things could work for the best. Suddenly I realized that my shower was taking a lot more time than needed so I quickly turned the water off, got out of the shower and started to dry myself with the folded orange towel that I left on top of the toilet. After leaving myself dry I proceed to go to my bedroom and get dressed.

Once that I'm already dressed, in my trademark orange jumpsuit that in reality was the only thing that I could afford to buy, I proceed to go and have some breakfast in the simple and old fashioned kitchen of my apartment. Once I'm in the kitchen I neared one of the few cabinets that I have in the kitchen, the wood already very moldy because of the pass of the years, and after opening it and finding nothing to eat I proceeded to open the next one and, letting my lips curl up in a smile, I could finally found what seemed to be the last thing that I had to eat: a cup of instant ramen. The ramen is maybe my favorite food, it was cheap, easy to obtain and I just loved the feeling of the warm noodles in my mouth, I love to eat the little pieces of meat and pork that the soup contains and, at last but certainly not least by a long shot, I love to drink the remaining broth of the noodles, enjoying every single bit of the warm liquid, salty and with the mixed flavors of the ingredients of the dish. After saying all of this the noodles that I have before look like a vague illusion of ramen, the instant ramen was an abomination in comparison to the godly ramen of Ichiraku, the only place in the whole village that would let me eat at ease and, overall, let me stay without them kicking me out of their establishment. Once I grabbed the instant ramen cup I started to pour some heated water in them, that I had previously heated in the teapot when I first entered the kitchen, and, after waiting for the typical three minutes that takes the instant ramen to be ready, I started to wolf down every single part of my meal, as it was to be expected it wasn't nearly as great as Ichiraku ramen.

Once ready with my breakfast and after brushing my teeth I started to walk in direction to the door that leads to the exterior world and, in the blink of an eye, I was already out of my apartment, out of my safety zone, of my comfort zone, now I was in this dessert, this hostile environment, you know, the streets of Konoha, the village in the hidden leafs. The fear started to appear within myself, little at first, nothing more than a feeling of uneasiness, then I started to walk among the less crowded streets of the village, where the merciless eyes of the villagers couldn't find me, but I suddenly come across an obligatory intersection in my path, I have come across the most commercial street in the whole village filled with merchants and stalls and, by extension, filled with villagers. At this moment my breathing starts to feel more troubled and raspy, a crescent anxiety being added to the ever present fear when I'm out of my apartment, I try to walk a little faster and try no to be noticed, but the color of my clothing is dead giveaway to the villagers, the sounds of the chatting that the villagers had between themselves and between the merchants suddenly cease, the people cease to buy, the merchants cease to sell, all the people start to turn their heads in my direction and put their eyes on me, damn it, they are looking me with _that_ look, not a single word is coming out of their mouth, it's not necessary, they are already telling me everything with the way that they look at me, their stares are like a hundred poisoned daggers that are being embedded in every part of my body, where their poison starts to spread across my body, I can feel the poison getting to my heart, a cold hand starts to put a lot of pressure in my chest, I can feel the poison getting to my lungs, I can't breathe properly, I feel like I'm shrinking, the villagers are turning themselves into gigantic monoliths before me, I can't stand it anymore, the sweat starts to come out off of every single pore in my body. Before things start to turn worse I start to wildly run towards the Hokage's tower, less than three hundred miles away. As soon as I lose sight of the market I can clearly hear of the hustle of the market coming to life again, nothing really happened there, not for them at least.

* * *

Once I can finally see the tall and red Hokage tower I can feel a lot more relaxed, more safe, I cautiously enter by the main door, trying not to be seen by the lower floor's staff, I start to climb the yellow stairs that lead to the top floor where Oji-san's office is located and, once I'm in the correct floor, I can notice how Oji-san's young secretary is not on her traditional spot, where one could see her polishing her nails every once in a while when she thinks that nobody is seeing her. Oji-san's secretary was a young woman of maybe 25 years old, that's called Atsuko, I never really learned her last name, she was a sweet lady, one of the few people of this village that would show me kindness, she was beautiful, she had milky pale skin, with a faint pinkness on her cheeks, she had gorgeous brown eyes that always remembered me the color of chocolate that complemented themselves with her long and silky hair that was the same shade of brown as her eyes, with some streak falling at the sides of her face and falling all the way to her waist like a chocolate waterfall. She was always dressed in a pink kimono, usually with a flower pattern on it, that adjusted itself perfectly to her figure.

After thinking about her for so many time I couldn't help to notice that my face started to feel like it was boiling, mainly my cheeks, I was blushing madly, but it couldn't be helped, after all, she was one of the few women that treated me nicely, besides Ayame-neechan, and she was all around beautiful. Finally snapping out of it I calmly walked towards the door that inside Oji-san's office, as my steps kept getting closer and closer I could hear the faint sound of voices inside Oji-san's office, saying unintelligible things at first, one of the voices was Oji-san's and the other one was from a man, that according to his voice should be relatively young. I was finally in front of the door and I really didn't know what to do, the conversation seemed to be very important by the tone of seriousness that both parties were using, but, being a child after all, the curiosity was starting to take control of me. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and proceeded to glue my face to the door, eavesdropping, to try and make some sense of the mumbles that I was hearing. Sadly you know the saying: "the curiosity killed the cat" or better said, as I would know later, the fox.

-"… He's the fox"- Said the unknown voice, one could tell the sadness and concern that was laced to his words. At the beginning this confused me greatly, I didn't know who they were talking about or what they were talking about.

-" We don't know that for sure Kakashi-kun, only time will tell us the final outcome of the problem that we have in our hands"- Said the voice that I could clearly distinguish as the voice of Oji-san, but, you could feel that he was in a moment of weakness, you could hear of the many years of constant work has taking its toll on Oji-san's body, making him sound very tired. I instantly felt very concerned about his health.

-"But how can this be possible? I tough that the jutsu that the Yondaime used that night had worked perfectly, I tough that it had effectively isolated the soul of the Kyubi, the Nine Tailed Fox within the body of that kid, making the kid the jailer and the Kyubi the prisoner… not this"- Said the now identified Kakashi, who also seemed to be very tired for all the talk. At this point I have to admit that hearing the name of the Nine Tailed Fox made my interest in the conversation skyrocket trough the ceiling, everyone knew about him, everyone knew how he appeared one night and started to spread chaos and destruction all over the village, killing uncountable ninjas and villagers alike…among them being my parents, the parents that I never knew nor I'll never meet…

-"I don't know Kakashi-kun, sometimes I ask myself that very same question, but most likely it was due to the fact of the Yondaime using that particular jutsu, I don't know if you know this but the Shiki Fujin was a technique that due to the mortal effects that it had on its user and the things that it could be used for, it was strictly forbidden even knowing its existence for the general public, even for some of the most high ranked ninjas, only the Hokages and some people of extreme confidence knew of its existence, but as you can imagine, due to the extreme situation that we were in during the night of the Kyuubi's attack the Yondaime Hokage decided that to solve extreme situations extreme measures were needed, even if it meant to sacrifice his own life in order to achieve it"-

-"So he used the Shiki Fujin even knowing the consequences of it…Incredible, he truly was a noble man"- Said Kakashi, I could hear the affection and nostalgia that were laced to every word that he spoke about the Yondaime Hokage. I really don't know much about him, only the fact that he was able to defeat the Kyubi at the expense of his own life, I can agree with Kakashi on this, he really was noble and a hero, wish I could be like him in the future.

-"That's right Kakashi, the only drawback was that because of the fact that the justu was forbidden since a very long time the effects that the justu had over the souls of both the Kyubi and the kid were totally unpredictable. Supposedly it would make the Kyubi's soul a prisoner within the kid's body, destroying the Kyubi's physical body, we could have never guessed that both souls would begging a fight for the control over the kid's body, even this is a wild guess because we don't know if this is what's really happening, the only thing that we know for sure is the fact that whatever the jutsu does regarding the souls of the Kyubi and the kid is going to come to an end in a couple of months from here"- Explained Oji-san, his voice sounding more tired with every word.

Listening the conversation so carefully I could understand that inside the body of a person was the soul of the demon that took the lives of my parents, I didn't know what to think about that person, I felt sad for that person, but also hate, so much hate, I know that I shouldn't blame him or her for the horrible deeds that made the monster that's inside of him or her, but the mere idea of that monster being alive somehow, and not dead like they officially told us, was making me lose my temper.

-"It was because of this that you requested my presence, Hokage-sama?"- Asked Kakashi, he sounded a little nervous about what Oji-san may request him to do with the problem at hand.

-"You're right about that Kakashi but it's not for something bad, that I can assure you, by the start of the next week I want you to keep a close eye on that kid, twenty four hours a day, the seven days of the week, I want you to keep an eye on his behavior, if the Kyubi has taken control over his body, but overall…"- He made a pause here, his voice cracking a little bit-" I want you to take care of him Kakashi, I have heard rumors about the treatment that he's receiving from the villagers, the insults, the cold shoulder, not allowing him to buy anything anywhere, it's just a matter of time before they start to hurt him physically, but don't worry about your duties as an ANBU, you won't be ignoring them because this will be a S rated mission that I myself will be assigning you indefinitely"- Said Oji-san, finishing his speech, his voice defeated.

-"And in the hypothetical case in which the Kyubi takes control of the kid's body?"- Asked Kakashi with a serious tone of voice.

-"If that happens… I myself will take care of the matter, no one else, if I happen to fail to help this kid let it be my punishment to take care of my mistakes"- Said Oji-san with a commanding voice that sent a chill through my spine, he sounded dead while saying that.-" Just remember that meanwhile that doesn't happens, you will protect that kid whatever it takes, take it as a favor from a tired old man that has already lost a lot of people that he loved and that doesn't want to see another loved one disappear from his life"-

-"I understand it Hokage-sama, don't worry, I have heard a lot about that kid, in the little free time that I have when I'm not in an ANBU mission, what he's been through, and I really must say it, I really like this kid, he has such a strong will, stronger than any of us could even hope to have. The only thing that I don't know about him it's his name"- Said Kakashi sincerely and with a hint of curiosity towards the end of his words. To be honest the curiosity was eating me alive, I NEEDED to know who was this kid that had that monster inside of him, the same monster that killed my parents, the same monster that left me alone in this world, I didn't even know what I was hoping to achieve by knowing this information, I really didn't, but a part of me demanded with bloody intent the name of that kid, I felt like hitting him, even knowing that I wouldn't do anything, that my insults wouldn't bring me back my parents, but I was angry, with the injustice of not having parents, with the way that this village treated me, my hatred wasn't directed towards the kid himself, but rather to the thing that was inside of him, but in the heat of the moment I couldn't know for sure, man and beast, they were the same for me. Realizing that Oji-san was going to say the name of that person I listened more carefully…Now I regret my actions.

-"I think that you have probably heard this name many times before, the kid Is well known across the village, the kid's name is Naruto Uzumaki, a young…"- _Naruto, Naruto, Na…ru…to_, the words died in my throat, the gears in my head stopped, my lungs collapsed, the beating of my heart abruptly ceased, the world around me seemed frozen in time, I didn't even felt when a fly was nipping my neck, I didn't felt when I started to shake…I didn't felt when something inside of me broke.

I don't know who I am anymore, I don't even know if I want to know...

* * *

**Aaaaand CUT!**

**Well that really took it's toll on me hahaha, I'm very tired after writing so much.**  
**Well guys and girls I really hope from the bottom of my heart that you all liked this chapter as much as I liked writing it.**

**Before saying my farewells I ask you to favorite this Fic if you liked it and leave a review with an opinion about the chapter, as long it is not a flame any constructive criticism is well received, tell me what things should I improve on and what things you liked.**

**With nothing else to add I bid my farewells to all of you people.**

**Yours truly.**

**AFallenManEng **


End file.
